Learning this!
Saturday, 10 December 2011
Saturday, 3 December 2011
A Thrill of Hope
The Weary World Rejoices.
I sometimes forget just how much i love Christmas, but then it hits November and Christmas is all I can think about.
Snow and toques and mittens and scarves and lights and singing and smiles. It's so good.
I love how people are just happier around Christmas time, I know not everyone is... it's often the hardest time of year for a lot of people. But generally Christmas gets people's sprits up, and it's a beautiful thing to be a part of!
Yes, all of the consumption at Christmas time is horrible. Did you know, the average spent on Christmas in North America is $40 billion, and the estimated cost of getting clean water to the entire world is $20 billion... that makes me sick. We need to do something big about it, and a lot of people are! Check out Advent Conspiracy. It's an amazing organization working toward an amazing goal! There is so much about North America Christmas that is wrong...
But it's still Christmas!
It's still about families coming together to celebrate.
It's still about seeing the beauty in things.
It's still about lighting candles and singing together.
It's still about giving.
It's still about little kids being enchanted by it all.
It's still about being happy.
It's still about decorating the tree together.
It's still about Jesus.
It's still the most wonderful time of the year.
It's still a thrill of hope that makes this weary world rejoice.
I sometimes forget just how much i love Christmas, but then it hits November and Christmas is all I can think about.
Snow and toques and mittens and scarves and lights and singing and smiles. It's so good.
I love how people are just happier around Christmas time, I know not everyone is... it's often the hardest time of year for a lot of people. But generally Christmas gets people's sprits up, and it's a beautiful thing to be a part of!
Yes, all of the consumption at Christmas time is horrible. Did you know, the average spent on Christmas in North America is $40 billion, and the estimated cost of getting clean water to the entire world is $20 billion... that makes me sick. We need to do something big about it, and a lot of people are! Check out Advent Conspiracy. It's an amazing organization working toward an amazing goal! There is so much about North America Christmas that is wrong...
But it's still Christmas!
It's still about families coming together to celebrate.
It's still about seeing the beauty in things.
It's still about lighting candles and singing together.
It's still about giving.
It's still about little kids being enchanted by it all.
It's still about being happy.
It's still about decorating the tree together.
It's still about Jesus.
It's still the most wonderful time of the year.
It's still a thrill of hope that makes this weary world rejoice.
Monday, 21 November 2011
Tired.
I've been going non-stop since June. There has not been a single day that I haven't had to think about Young Life, and there have been very few days that I haven't had to do something with Young Life. To make it even better, on those days that I haven't been thinking or doing Young Life, I've been thinking and doing school.
I'm tired.
Sometimes I just want someone to not try and encourage me through the tiredness, but to just sit with me and accept that I'm sad, that I'm not having fun anymore, that I sometimes feel pointless... to just sit with me and empathize.
I do a lot of listening, I take a lot of people out for coffee and listen to everything they have to say, and I love it. I love love love listening to people and just being there when they need me.
I love it so much that I wish someone would do that for me.
I want some quiet time alone with someone who really cares for me, all of me, not just most of the pieces. I want some quiet time alone where I don't think about Young Life or school once, and I don't feel guilty about that. I want some quiet time with God, who I know really cares for me, all of me.
And I want quiet time alone where I can just play the piano for hours and hours and have no regrets for "wasting" that time.
I don't want to be the one who has to have it all together anymore, I don't want to be the one who has to know the answer to everything.
I'd like people to realize that I have no idea what I'm doing, and that I'm terrified because of it. I'm 18 years old, how am I supposed to shoulder the responsibility of a 30 something year old and not be completely crushed by that weight?
I'm faking it and hoping that no one finds out... but at the same time, I really want everyone to find out.
Monday, 14 November 2011
Chances are we are the same
Against the odds, against the grain
We lean, like gardens toward light.
We reach with all of our might
For such a noble aim
as love.
Think about that for a minute... What a noble aim love really is.
And this noble aim is what we are all constantly reaching for with all of our might. Our need for love is unquenchable.
A thirst only deserts know best.
A hurt so at home in our chests.
Call it stubbornness or bravery.
We were all created with this desire to love and be loved, and although the idea of what "love" is gets twisted into something ugly by our society real love is an incredibly beautiful thing.
The love that God loved us with first is an incredibly beautiful thing.
And we are reaching for that kind of love, that kind that makes you glow from the inside out. Even if we don't recognize it, that is what we are all reaching for. And when you do recognize it, that all you need is a love that quenches that thirst that only deserts know best. What a beautiful thing to devote your life to.
What a noble aim
is love.
We lean, like gardens toward light.
We reach with all of our might
For such a noble aim
as love.
Think about that for a minute... What a noble aim love really is.
And this noble aim is what we are all constantly reaching for with all of our might. Our need for love is unquenchable.
A thirst only deserts know best.
A hurt so at home in our chests.
Call it stubbornness or bravery.
We were all created with this desire to love and be loved, and although the idea of what "love" is gets twisted into something ugly by our society real love is an incredibly beautiful thing.
The love that God loved us with first is an incredibly beautiful thing.
And we are reaching for that kind of love, that kind that makes you glow from the inside out. Even if we don't recognize it, that is what we are all reaching for. And when you do recognize it, that all you need is a love that quenches that thirst that only deserts know best. What a beautiful thing to devote your life to.
What a noble aim
is love.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
34 Verses of so much Wisdom.
Confession: When people post big long Bible passages as their status or in their notes I don't generally read the whole thing. I might even like the post, but not read the whole thing. Why would I do this? How long does it take to read a chapter? Or a verse, for that matter? And if someone is taking the time to post it, that means that they read it and got something huge out of it... so I quite possibly could as well, right? Reading scripture should be the most enjoyable part of my day, not something that I just skim over.
It's kind of sad actually that I can read through some random dumb story of someone's life, or a status about nothing much, but when it's Bible I'll happily skip over it.
If you read this then... I'm proud of you ;) And I hope you get as much or more from it as I have. I go back to this chapter so often, and could go back to it even more. There is just SO MUCH there.
This is The Message, which is my favourite version to read this particular passage in, the wording is just so good.
It's kind of sad actually that I can read through some random dumb story of someone's life, or a status about nothing much, but when it's Bible I'll happily skip over it.
If you read this then... I'm proud of you ;) And I hope you get as much or more from it as I have. I go back to this chapter so often, and could go back to it even more. There is just SO MUCH there.
This is The Message, which is my favourite version to read this particular passage in, the wording is just so good.
Matthew 6
The World is not a Stage
1 "Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don't make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won't be applauding. 2-4"When you do something for someone else, don't call attention to yourself. You've seen them in action, I'm sure—'playactors' I call them— treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that's all they get. When you help someone out, don't think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out.
7-13"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best— as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You're in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You're ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
14-15"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
16-18"When you practice some appetite-denying discipline to better concentrate on God, don't make a production out of it. It might turn you into a small-time celebrity but it won't make you a saint. If you 'go into training' inwardly, act normal outwardly. Shampoo and comb your hair, brush your teeth, wash your face. God doesn't require attention-getting devices. He won't overlook what you are doing; he'll reward you well.
24"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Pray with Simplicity
5"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat? 6"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.7-13"The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:
Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best— as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You're in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You're ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.
14-15"In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can't get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God's part.
16-18"When you practice some appetite-denying discipline to better concentrate on God, don't make a production out of it. It might turn you into a small-time celebrity but it won't make you a saint. If you 'go into training' inwardly, act normal outwardly. Shampoo and comb your hair, brush your teeth, wash your face. God doesn't require attention-getting devices. He won't overlook what you are doing; he'll reward you well.
A Life of God-Worship
19-21"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being. 22-23"Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!24"You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.
25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Something Borrowed
So this seems really weird and kind of shallow to me... but I learnt something from this movie, Something Borrowed, that I watched last night.
Basically it's the story of this girl who falls in love with this guy in university and they're almost dating and then the best friend comes along and kinda steals the guy from her... but she just stands there and lets it happen, she even encourages it because she so badly doesn't want this guy to know how she feels about him because she's afraid of getting rejected and hurt. Because of that the guy thinks that she doesn't have feelings for him at all and he goes for the other girl because he's kind of heartbroken that this girl doesn't like him the way he thought she might have. While I was watching it I actually got so stressed out and sad... weeeeird.
Moral of the story: Let people know you love them.
Let people know you love them, because they might not know.
I take for granted all the time that people just know that I love them, that they would just obviously pick up on it. But the more that I think about it, the more I realize that there are a lot of people out there that most likely have no idea how I feel about them. What a shame that we go through life only living it halfway.
Let people know that you love them.
Basically it's the story of this girl who falls in love with this guy in university and they're almost dating and then the best friend comes along and kinda steals the guy from her... but she just stands there and lets it happen, she even encourages it because she so badly doesn't want this guy to know how she feels about him because she's afraid of getting rejected and hurt. Because of that the guy thinks that she doesn't have feelings for him at all and he goes for the other girl because he's kind of heartbroken that this girl doesn't like him the way he thought she might have. While I was watching it I actually got so stressed out and sad... weeeeird.
Moral of the story: Let people know you love them.
Let people know you love them, because they might not know.
I take for granted all the time that people just know that I love them, that they would just obviously pick up on it. But the more that I think about it, the more I realize that there are a lot of people out there that most likely have no idea how I feel about them. What a shame that we go through life only living it halfway.
Let people know that you love them.
Friday, 21 October 2011
More Than Just Education
We invest a lot into our post-secondary education. Money, a lot of money, and time. Countless hours are spent both in the classroom and out. There is so much pressure from society to get a good education, to put yourself through this money grab that probably takes ten years off your life in stress... why is that?
What are we so desperately striving for through our education? And what are we filling our minds with every single day?
I'm not sure if I really thought about this too much when I decided to go to CBC, I'm not sure that I really knew that God was calling me there.... I just liked the sound of it. More than anything else I just wanted to say that I went to Bible College, it had a sort of prestigious sound to it for some reason.
Despite that, I've since realized that I'm here for more than just society points, I've continued on this path because I can't picture myself anywhere else, and I am making a conscious decision to fill my mind with something greater every single day.
I could be spending less money working toward a degree that actually assures me a job at the end of my 4 years and 40 thousand dollars, but instead I'm working toward something so much greater than a good income.
Sometimes I can't actually believe that I'm doing this.
This week was mid-term week, everyone is stressed way past the healthy point, and of course, when we get to that retardedly stressful point we tend to drop everything except the thing that is stressing us out.
As a Christian that usually means that we drop our spiritual life, our relationship with God... the one thing that we need the most, is the one thing that we toss aside.
In one of my classes, Philosophy of Youth Ministry, there is no mid-term, and in class this week our prof decided to step away from the curriculum a little for the day and talk about our core values, or non negotiable ideas on living life for Christ.
Rather than having us stress out about a mid-term, he reminded us to focus in on God.
Why would I go to any other school? Why would I submerse myself in any other kind of education? Why would I fill my mind with anything else?
I love this place.
Sometimes I can't actually believe that I'm doing this.
This week was mid-term week, everyone is stressed way past the healthy point, and of course, when we get to that retardedly stressful point we tend to drop everything except the thing that is stressing us out.
As a Christian that usually means that we drop our spiritual life, our relationship with God... the one thing that we need the most, is the one thing that we toss aside.
In one of my classes, Philosophy of Youth Ministry, there is no mid-term, and in class this week our prof decided to step away from the curriculum a little for the day and talk about our core values, or non negotiable ideas on living life for Christ.
Rather than having us stress out about a mid-term, he reminded us to focus in on God.
Why would I go to any other school? Why would I submerse myself in any other kind of education? Why would I fill my mind with anything else?
I love this place.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Monday, 10 October 2011
Sorrow & Joy
The past two weeks have been eventful to say the least. Without a doubt the most sorrowful, terrifying and stressful two of my life. Some people say that bad things come in three's and I guess that holds a little truth here! It's also kinda funny how they went from worst to less worse... Graedon - Grandma - Accident. However, to change the direction after those three comes some amazing, exciting, crazy wonderful news:
NEW BABY. WHOOP WHOOP.
It's so amazing to think that there is a brand new life, a whole life, starting right now inside my sister. It actually starts to blow my mind if I think about it too much! So much is going to happen to that little guy/girl and it's all starting right now!! So so so amazing!
And I'm so happy that I get to be a part of this :)
Its crazy how all of this has gone down, there has been so much pain that it's actually hard to comprehend. It almost seems weird to be able to be this excited for this brand new life when two other lives just ended.
But that's just the beauty of it, isn't it?
Imagine telling this little kid what an eventful time they were announced into. How there was all this sorrow and then this big burst of colourful joy... Like fireworks. What an honour to be this baby! To be the one who made people excited and happy when they really needed it.
I love you already, baby!
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
So so so scary
I've told this story too many times to tell it all again, but I was in a car accident on Monday in the car that I've had for a total of a week and two days... it was terrifying. Enough said.
I woke up at 3:00am Tuesday morning with the sound and sort of feeling of it playing over and over in my head.
It's weird, because it felt exactly the way I imagined an accident to feel. You know those car safety commercials where they have the view from the inside of the vehicle on impact? That's exactly what it felt like! Seriously... so so so so sooo scary.
This past week has literally been the worst one of my life, there is no question about that. I'm trying to think of anything good that possibly came out of all of this and this one word just keeps running through my head:
Fragile
We are all so incredibly fragile. Life can be over at age 14 when no one is ready for you to go, or when you're old and you've lived your life.. but still no one wants to see you go. And life can also be over in the blink of an eye. Before your brain even has time to recognize what is happening your life could be over.
So make it count.
Love deeply
Don't hold grudges
Tell people when you love them
Laugh lots
Don't complain
Seriously... count your blessings when you wake up in the morning
Don't let little things bother you
Be nice
Do something different and fun
Give people hugs. You never know when it might be the last goodbye.
I'm so thankful to be alive.
I woke up at 3:00am Tuesday morning with the sound and sort of feeling of it playing over and over in my head.
It's weird, because it felt exactly the way I imagined an accident to feel. You know those car safety commercials where they have the view from the inside of the vehicle on impact? That's exactly what it felt like! Seriously... so so so so sooo scary.
This past week has literally been the worst one of my life, there is no question about that. I'm trying to think of anything good that possibly came out of all of this and this one word just keeps running through my head:
Fragile
We are all so incredibly fragile. Life can be over at age 14 when no one is ready for you to go, or when you're old and you've lived your life.. but still no one wants to see you go. And life can also be over in the blink of an eye. Before your brain even has time to recognize what is happening your life could be over.
So make it count.
Love deeply
Don't hold grudges
Tell people when you love them
Laugh lots
Don't complain
Seriously... count your blessings when you wake up in the morning
Don't let little things bother you
Be nice
Do something different and fun
Give people hugs. You never know when it might be the last goodbye.
I'm so thankful to be alive.
Sunday, 2 October 2011
Rain makes everything better.
I got more homework done tonight than I have in forever, maybe it's thanks to the deadline and pile of homework hanging over my head... or maybe it's thanks to rainymood. We'll never know.
But check it out! It makes me happy :)
Friday, 30 September 2011
Confusion&Something New
I don't know what to do with my life.
Well, I know what I want to do with my life. I'm just not doing it.
Up until the last week of August I felt that I was following God's good and perfect plan for my life. I was super sure that I was on the right track, doing what I loved and what God was calling me to.
100% concentrated fruit juice for sure.
Then I started thinking about all the homework that I was going to have come the first week of September and I started to get stressed out. I suddenly wasn't looking forward to school at all.
Right at this time I was talking with a friend and he was raving about how excited he was for school to start...
This was a little bit of a wake up call for me.
If I was really being called to this, to youth ministry, to CBC, to this perfectly planned life...
Then shouldn't I be excited to go back to school and continue on with that plan?
I began to revisit all the fears and concerns that I've had about persuing a degree in Youth Ministry: "how am I going to get through school without killing myself?" "How am I supposed to be a mother/wife as well as a youth pastor?" "How do I actually feel about women in church leadership?" "Am I actually passionate about full time ministry?"
All these questions boil down to one big question
What am I doing with my life?
I've been thinking through this one for the past month and I'm not sure how far I've really got; but I guess I've got somewhere
Something New:
I kind of want to be a piano teacher.
I love playing the piano. I love music. And I have no idea why I have not pursued it further!
This is my little step of action within the confusion: Piano lessons! I'm incredibly excited about this, and although I know that finishing Grade 12 Royal Conservatory is going to be a huge amount of work, I know that I can handle it... if I can imagine myself getting a BA in Youth Ministry then I'm sure I can finnish RCM.
This is turning into two posts, but I have more than a few thoughts that have been spinning around for a month that need to be pinned down.
Women in leadership... how do I actually feel about that? I've come to the conclusion that I do not have a problem with it in general... I just have a problem with ME being in church leadership. More to the point, I have a problem with me being a Youth Pastor. To put it really simply... I'd just much rather be a Youth Pastor's wife with a few kids and a cute house, teaching piano lessons.
It's not that I don't feel like I could do it, I basically am doing it right now anyway, I just don't feel like I should. I feel like there are other things in life that I could do much more effectively and love a lot more.
I've never been a feminist by any means, so me being drawn to this male dominated career path was weird to begin with... maybe I just knew that I had to get to CBC to find myself a husband ;)
Anyway, whatever has been going on for the past month has stressed me out beyond belief, and it's not exactly over yet.
I'm spending a lot of money on schooling so I can become a youth pastor, but even if I change my mind on that I still love CBC and I also still love youth work. Don't get me wrong I love my job. I love what I'm doing for Young Life; just maybe not forever.
So, I want to stay at CBC, I want to stay with Young Life, but I don't want to be a Youth Pastor?
See why I'm confused!
Monday, 26 September 2011
Just a Broken Heart
"Lost my brother today. I have no profound words, just a broken heart."
There is nothing you can say to that.
There is nothing for me to say that can do anything or change anything or help anything.
I can't comprehend not having him here, I can't think about not having him here without crying... so just think about what his family is feeling.
Just a broken heart. I can't even comprehend.
I can still hear his funny croaky voice, and I keep thinking of this one time where he was sitting across the table from me at dinner and we were just making jokes and laughing.
I think that was the last time I saw him.
I love knowing he's happier now then he ever could have been here.
There is nothing you can say to that.
There is nothing for me to say that can do anything or change anything or help anything.
I can't comprehend not having him here, I can't think about not having him here without crying... so just think about what his family is feeling.
Just a broken heart. I can't even comprehend.
I can still hear his funny croaky voice, and I keep thinking of this one time where he was sitting across the table from me at dinner and we were just making jokes and laughing.
I think that was the last time I saw him.
I love knowing he's happier now then he ever could have been here.
I love knowing that.
Friday, 23 September 2011
Did You Know...
That if we all unplugged our phone chargers from the wall when we aren't charging our phones that over 50,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide emissions could be avoided. This is the equivalent of almost 500 football fields worth of forest every year. Incredible!
Guess who feels convicted to never leave her phone charger plugged in ever again?
Thursday, 22 September 2011
Being Vulnerable
Today I was thinking about the time that I got a flat tire on my road trip to Rossland.
It was probably the worst experience of my life. Ever.
I was in the middle of no where with no cell service (not that calling anyone would have really helped, it just adds to the drama.)
Anyway, the story goes on, and basically it was me on the side of the road never having changed a tire before in my life now changing a tire. And the worst part is that apparently I looked so capable that NO ONE stopped to offer help. Needless to say, I was incredibly disappointed in humanity for the rest of the day.
Anyway, I managed to get everything done myself and I didn't even cry. I wasn't exactly to the point where I was feeling proud of myself yet, I was still scared to death that the tire was just going to fly off in the middle of the highway. But I made it to the next town with cell service and tried calling my parents (both who did not answer their phones... typical.) and then I called my sister.
This is what I was thinking about today: As soon as I heard my sisters voice I started crying. All that pent up terror and frustration (mostly terror) from the past hour just came pouring out at the sound of a caring voice.
Weird right?
I think it must be like some kind of weird built in survival tactic; don't let yourself crack, don't be vulnerable in a scary situation because then you'll just die. For example; If I had seen that flat tire and just sat down to cry I might still be sitting there crying.
I had to shove all that emotion down because I couldn't deal with it at the moment, I had to be strong and get done what had to be done. And then, when I felt that I had someone who could care for me and make things better I let my guard down and burst into tears.
We're not going to let ourselves cry and put ourselves in that vulnerable state when we're trying to survive a scary situation. It just wouldn't really make sense!
Just an interesting thought... free of charge!
love&prayers
It was probably the worst experience of my life. Ever.
I was in the middle of no where with no cell service (not that calling anyone would have really helped, it just adds to the drama.)
Anyway, the story goes on, and basically it was me on the side of the road never having changed a tire before in my life now changing a tire. And the worst part is that apparently I looked so capable that NO ONE stopped to offer help. Needless to say, I was incredibly disappointed in humanity for the rest of the day.
Anyway, I managed to get everything done myself and I didn't even cry. I wasn't exactly to the point where I was feeling proud of myself yet, I was still scared to death that the tire was just going to fly off in the middle of the highway. But I made it to the next town with cell service and tried calling my parents (both who did not answer their phones... typical.) and then I called my sister.
This is what I was thinking about today: As soon as I heard my sisters voice I started crying. All that pent up terror and frustration (mostly terror) from the past hour just came pouring out at the sound of a caring voice.
Weird right?
I think it must be like some kind of weird built in survival tactic; don't let yourself crack, don't be vulnerable in a scary situation because then you'll just die. For example; If I had seen that flat tire and just sat down to cry I might still be sitting there crying.
I had to shove all that emotion down because I couldn't deal with it at the moment, I had to be strong and get done what had to be done. And then, when I felt that I had someone who could care for me and make things better I let my guard down and burst into tears.
We're not going to let ourselves cry and put ourselves in that vulnerable state when we're trying to survive a scary situation. It just wouldn't really make sense!
Just an interesting thought... free of charge!
love&prayers
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
lovelovelove
Honestly... I can't stop listening to it! My favourite track right now is "When Death Dies" it showcases their increeeeeddddiiible talent and just has this super different sound to it that makes me really stop and listen. Awesomeness :D
love&prayers
love&prayers
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Vespers.
I forgot how much I missed this.
I hadn't been to Vespers at CBC yet this school year, and I wasn't actually planning on going at all this fall (during the summer I got hooked up with a Young Adults group that meets tuesday nights) but today for some reason I just decided to skip out and head to Vespers.
What a good decision.
I love standing in the front row singing so loud and not being able to hear myself.
I love standing totally still and NOT singing, letting everyone's voices wash over me.
I love that I am free to worship in my own way and not be judged.
I love that I know the people leading, and that they're not just putting on a show.
I love being around people that I know well and seeing them worship with a passion I might not have expected.
I love living in this community.
I encourage you to come try it out for yourself one night!! 9:00pm at Columbia!
love&prayers
When disaster strikes...
I am thankful for the people around me.
Yesterday I found out that a close family friend's leukemia has relapsed for what seems like the 100th time. He's been fighting for 11 years and this time, like all the other times, it doesn't look good.
After hearing the news I sent out a text message to around 40 people asking them to pray for healing and a miracle...
Within seconds 10 people responded. Within minutes; 30.
I am so incredibly thankful that I have this large group of people surrounding me that I can call on for prayer and know that they will step up to the plate.
One text I sent to a friend that has apparently changed her number; I got a reply saying "Who is this? I'll pray anyway though!"
I know I take this for granted all the time, and it's too bad that we often only notice what we have when we're in need, but I don't think that I realized to what extent I am blessed with strong mature Christian friends.
In this time of disaster when everything that's strong starts to shake I am so thankful for the people around me.
love&prayers
Yesterday I found out that a close family friend's leukemia has relapsed for what seems like the 100th time. He's been fighting for 11 years and this time, like all the other times, it doesn't look good.
After hearing the news I sent out a text message to around 40 people asking them to pray for healing and a miracle...
Within seconds 10 people responded. Within minutes; 30.
I am so incredibly thankful that I have this large group of people surrounding me that I can call on for prayer and know that they will step up to the plate.
One text I sent to a friend that has apparently changed her number; I got a reply saying "Who is this? I'll pray anyway though!"
I know I take this for granted all the time, and it's too bad that we often only notice what we have when we're in need, but I don't think that I realized to what extent I am blessed with strong mature Christian friends.
In this time of disaster when everything that's strong starts to shake I am so thankful for the people around me.
love&prayers
Monday, 19 September 2011
Kindness
I was the receiver of a random act of kindness today.
My sister gave me a coupon for a free scone at Cob's Bread. Yes, very kind of her but not deserving of a blog post. ;)
Being awesome poor college students Lauren and I decided to redeem the scone and share it, no money spent. How mennonite of us!
We walked into Cob's and were instantly enveloped by the amaaaazing aroma of fresh baked bread. To die for.
Better yet the woman at the counter greeted us and informed us that she would be with us in just one moment. She finished helping the costumer in front of us and then asked how she could help us. I noticed right away that there was this smile on her face that just didn't go away, she didn't look the way I'm sure I look while working retail, she didn't have "the customer smile" where it slides off your face the second they're not looking.
I handed her the coupon and she got my scone while making small talk about how amazing these pumpkin scones were (btw she was NOT lying, it was delish!) And then without a moments hesitation she took another scone and wrapped it up saying "It just wouldn't be fair to only give you one!"
Lauren and I expressed our surprise and then thanked her abundantly.
Made. My. Day.
After a stressful weekend where I'm sure I wasn't as nice as I could have been, it was a reminder of just what a small act of kindness to a stranger can do.
You might argue that she was just trying to advance her business (she did, I want to only buy bread at Cob's now) but with that smile on her face you know that she isn't thinking dollars and cents all day long.
Thank you Cob's Bread Lady for showing me kindness and teaching me a valuable lesson that is so easy to live out!
The Bible has lots to say on the topic of showing acts of kindness to others, I really like this verse: "Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38
What have you done this week that made someone smile?
love&prayers
My sister gave me a coupon for a free scone at Cob's Bread. Yes, very kind of her but not deserving of a blog post. ;)
Being awesome poor college students Lauren and I decided to redeem the scone and share it, no money spent. How mennonite of us!
We walked into Cob's and were instantly enveloped by the amaaaazing aroma of fresh baked bread. To die for.
Better yet the woman at the counter greeted us and informed us that she would be with us in just one moment. She finished helping the costumer in front of us and then asked how she could help us. I noticed right away that there was this smile on her face that just didn't go away, she didn't look the way I'm sure I look while working retail, she didn't have "the customer smile" where it slides off your face the second they're not looking.
I handed her the coupon and she got my scone while making small talk about how amazing these pumpkin scones were (btw she was NOT lying, it was delish!) And then without a moments hesitation she took another scone and wrapped it up saying "It just wouldn't be fair to only give you one!"
Lauren and I expressed our surprise and then thanked her abundantly.
Made. My. Day.
After a stressful weekend where I'm sure I wasn't as nice as I could have been, it was a reminder of just what a small act of kindness to a stranger can do.
You might argue that she was just trying to advance her business (she did, I want to only buy bread at Cob's now) but with that smile on her face you know that she isn't thinking dollars and cents all day long.
Thank you Cob's Bread Lady for showing me kindness and teaching me a valuable lesson that is so easy to live out!
The Bible has lots to say on the topic of showing acts of kindness to others, I really like this verse: "Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38
What have you done this week that made someone smile?
love&prayers
On Moms
Last night my mom and I had an argument. It was heated, there were plenty of tears on my end and it really sucked. Like really.
I can't even remember now what it was that kicked it off (that's always how it goes isn't it?) But the basis of it was that I needed to borrow her car in the morning because mine is definitely not running. Things escalated from there.
The back story here is that this past weekend has been an incredibly stressful one. On top of me being already stressed due to school and work my car decided to break down for the too-many-th time and I'm buying a new one, having never purchased a car before I am stressed to the max.
My Dad took on the responsibility of checking out craigslist and calling people "They'll just take advantage of you" and I appreciate that too no end! My mom on the other hand was what I felt just distancing herself from the whole situation as much as she could, not helping me, offering support, or being happy for me when I did finally find a vehicle.
This is where the argument begins.
I'll leave the details up to your imagination but it ended with me in tears trying to express that I was stressed out and therefore probably a lot more rude than I thought I was and just wanting my Mom to save me from this sticky situation.
I desperately needed my mom to save me.
I came to the realization last night that I need my mom a lot more than I think I do and probably more than she thinks I do as well.
I'm hardly ever home anymore and that makes it harder for us to have conversations and just time for us to express our love for each other. When I was home all the time there were countless hours that we could just sit and talk (I wish that I would have made use of a few more of those hours now that I realize they have become few and far between).
I think that I'm fine and that I've got it all out when I talk to my friends or my sister but there's just something different about talking to your mom about something. Somehow it makes things better even if she doesn't give you any juicy tidbits of advice or anything.
I'm so thankful that I have a Mom who I can go to when I'm dying a little bit inside. There is no shoulder that is better for crying on, and no ear that is going to listen as sympathetically.
We don't always get along, we're not always going to get a long now, but last night taught me not to take my mom for granted so much. Just because she's there and constantly ready to love me doesn't mean that she has to. And just because I'm busy and out of the house doesn't mean that I don't need my Mom. I need her now just as much as I did when I was 5 years old. Maybe not in the physical aspect, I can take care of myself. But emotionally I'll never not need my Mom.
She's my grounding.
She's the one I ask before I make big decisions.
She's always going to listen.
She's always going to challenge me.
She's always there for me.
Tell your mom that you appreciate her today.
love&prayers
I can't even remember now what it was that kicked it off (that's always how it goes isn't it?) But the basis of it was that I needed to borrow her car in the morning because mine is definitely not running. Things escalated from there.
The back story here is that this past weekend has been an incredibly stressful one. On top of me being already stressed due to school and work my car decided to break down for the too-many-th time and I'm buying a new one, having never purchased a car before I am stressed to the max.
My Dad took on the responsibility of checking out craigslist and calling people "They'll just take advantage of you" and I appreciate that too no end! My mom on the other hand was what I felt just distancing herself from the whole situation as much as she could, not helping me, offering support, or being happy for me when I did finally find a vehicle.
This is where the argument begins.
I'll leave the details up to your imagination but it ended with me in tears trying to express that I was stressed out and therefore probably a lot more rude than I thought I was and just wanting my Mom to save me from this sticky situation.
I desperately needed my mom to save me.
I came to the realization last night that I need my mom a lot more than I think I do and probably more than she thinks I do as well.
I'm hardly ever home anymore and that makes it harder for us to have conversations and just time for us to express our love for each other. When I was home all the time there were countless hours that we could just sit and talk (I wish that I would have made use of a few more of those hours now that I realize they have become few and far between).
I think that I'm fine and that I've got it all out when I talk to my friends or my sister but there's just something different about talking to your mom about something. Somehow it makes things better even if she doesn't give you any juicy tidbits of advice or anything.
I'm so thankful that I have a Mom who I can go to when I'm dying a little bit inside. There is no shoulder that is better for crying on, and no ear that is going to listen as sympathetically.
She's my grounding.
She's the one I ask before I make big decisions.
She's always going to listen.
She's always going to challenge me.
She's always there for me.
Tell your mom that you appreciate her today.
love&prayers
Sunday, 18 September 2011
Fall. I love you.
It's just something about the colours.
Or maybe it's the quiet and cool after all the summer fun.
Possibly has something to do with fashion.
Whatever it is I look forward to it all year.
I get to fall and i sit down with my wool socks, my cardigans and scarves, a cup of tea, and i do my homework. There's just something about the picture that is so incredibly attractive.
It just draws me in.
Walking to class in the rain, the noise my windshield wipers make, watching kids get on the school bus, sitting undercover watching people share umbrellas (there's something incredibly cute about sharing an umbrella).
It's the taste of that first pumpkin spice latte from Starbs.
The sound of the first crunchy leaf under your brand new pair of brown boots.
The crisp smell in the air.
The first time you shiver when you step out your front door.
All these things and so many more just make me love this time of year!
love&prayers
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