true confessions

Reason #1 I've been wanting an iphone?

You can get really pretty cases on etsy

Reason #2?

Hello Instagram. 

I'm addicted. 

I was addicted before I started.

Reason #3?

Auto-correct is hilarious. 

I'm so excited for the first time I embarrass myself by sending something ridiculous. 

Hooray for consumerism. 

Best Better Bonus Bedtime Brainworks

You like the title? There's more where that came from.
"Brainworks" is a pretty catchy synonym for "thoughts" don't you think? Thank you thesaurus.com.


Anyway...


From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
Luke 12:48b




When I take those words seriously, they scare me. 


I often wonder why I am so blessed, why I have one of those "boring" lives that never leads me through struggles. Why have I never experienced intense pain and loss? Why do I have a family that loves me, no matter what? 
Why has God protected me from so much? Why has he given me so much? It's not something that I can comprehend! 


I also so often wonder why God seems to have such high expectations for me. Other people who are following Jesus with as much or more honesty and love as I am feel fine, so why don't I?
Why can't I watch The Avengers or a similar movie without feeling sick?
Why can't I have a few drinks without feeling like I'm abandoning all my morals?
Why have I been given this position with Young Life that seems over my head?
Why can't I date someone, just to see how it goes? 
Why can't I just let things slide sometimes? 
Why, Why, Why?


This passage in Luke really answers all of those questions! I've been given SO MUCH, therefore, God demands a lot of me. 
He has protected me so that he can use me. He's saved me pain and struggles, so that I can be a more whole and healthy person working for him!
He's given me this life, and given me great responsibility in conducting it in a way that points back to him constantly.
That's amazing!


It is scary, knowing that I do have to live differently(and knowing that I really don't a lot of the time). However, it's also incredibly exciting! 


Living differently has been on my mind so much lately, and coincidentally (thanks, God) the sermon at Parkside this past Sunday on Acts 17:16-34 pertained to the topic as well! give it a listen here. 


Has God been asking you to live differently lately? If you haven't heard him asking, do you think you should be? What are your thoughts?

5 things

1. I complain about living 30 minutes from anything and everything quite a lot of the time. They're pretty valid complaints, I promise. But when this is my view the whole way, I throw any thoughts about moving into Mission out the window. 

If you have no idea how wonderful fresh cut hay smells, please come visit. It's an experience that simply cannot be missed.  


Having thought a lot lately about moving (seriously looking for a place, actually) I've started a mental list trying to convince myself that not-moving is the best option. 
I think I'm just scared to leave home, which is completely understandable. 
One thing on the frantically put together list was kind of interesting though - no matter how ridiculously busy I get, I have two 30 minute intervals that I can't do anything but sit and think. No interruptions. I'm 100% sure that this contributes to my mental health... and explains why I have everything so together and am basically Jesus II. 


It really is something that I will miss like crazy though,and I'm not totally joking about the mental health thing. Upon moving, I will definitely have to find another place to fit "thinking-time" in. Anyone have something similar, and a solution they wouldn't mind sharing?


2.

This little darling is 6 weeks old already. Life is flying. 
She smiled at me for the first time last Saturday - I can't think of a good enough adjective to describe what that's like. 
I've been having such a good time seeing these two, and my sister every week. 
I know she knows this, but there's no point in not saying it again - I'm so grateful that I have a big sister. I wouldn't have been caught dead saying that when we were younger, but a few years brings some valuable perspective. She gives me the best advice, through both conversation and example. 
I love her to pieces... almost as much as my nieces.
 - see what I did there?  

3.

  
Remember when I was a red head? Yeah, I wish I didn't either. 
Happily I went to Young Life National Conference at Rockridge Canyon this weekend with a normal hair colour. 
I can't tell you enough times how much I love my job. I am honestly so blessed to be doing what I am doing. It's overwhelming and terrifying, yes. But incredible. I'm so grateful. 
Taylor wrote a post about the weekend, and it made me happier than I can say!
Plus, it didn't rain this year, and I only almost froze to death in my tent. 

4. This looks enjoyable. 

I never really think about recording the music I play - except sometimes. Like now. 
I know a few different people who are recording right now/this summer and it just sounds like so much fun! Definitely something I'd like to do someday. ...back to not thinking about it. 


5 a. (insert photo here)
I clearly saved the best for last.

Lately I've been learning a ton about prayer. The best part? I've been learning it simply by being in prayer a WHOLE bunch more than usual.
Through my conversations in the past week, I've found that so many christians really don't understand prayer what-so-ever. It certainly can be confusing! However, I'm not about to try and explain the whole thing - that would take me somewhere near a million posts. Because I know you wouldn't want to read that, here are the top two things that I've been challenged with:

1. God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want him to. But that doesn't mean we just say "whatever happens happens, God." We pray for a miracle to be performed, and we expect that miracle is going to be performed. We are asking God to heal others or ourselves (physically, spiritually or emotionally)and faithfully expecting Him to come through.
2. Listening for God's answer to your prayers is a thousand times more important than praying the prayer in the first place. It's not a conversation if only one person is talking! I've preached this, but in all honesty, have hardly ever practised it. However, in the past few months I've come to a fuller realization of what God's answers look like. He doesn't speak to me in an audible voice - I'm not that cool - but he definitely answers! For me, and I imagine it would be the same for you, understanding and knowing the Bible better has helped tremendously in being able to recognize his answers. 

We've been going through the Basic Series by Francis Chan at Young Adults, and this weeks video was on Prayer. I can't share it here, but if you get a chance I'd encourage you to watch it and go through some of the discussion questions! 

5 b.

I'm speaking on this video tonight for Young Life Club. It's probably one of the most clear and artistic presentations of the gospel in 5:05 minutes that I've ever come across. Give it a watch! 

so much more

If you're ever in need of a little adrenalin boost:

1. Watch The Blair Witch Project at a friends.

2. Be sure that you live sufficiently far from said friends. 

3. Drive home on the dark highway at 2:00am - meet not even one vehicle the whole way.

4. Have your parents turn out all the lights in the house for your arrival. 

Or, if that's not enough, watch Rec. you won't want to be a tv host in Portugal anymore (I know you were thinking of heading down that career path) 

You also won't be able to sleep for weeks (exaggeration... sort of). 

Don't ask me why watching more horror movies than we could count was considered such a glorious way to spend last summer. 

All jokes aside, why do we bother watching horrifying, action filled, violent, sexual, mind twisting films? 

Why don't we ever bother to look at what we're actually looking at?

I've had a few conversations lately about this same sort of idea - I even talked about it here before. However, I don't think I really completely got it until last night.

I went to see The Avengers (It's a G rated super hero movie - pretty innocent) But for some reason, I walked out of that theatre feeling sick to my stomach. 

I've never felt so aware. 

Every violent scene (about 90% of the whole film) my eyes teared up, and I kind of felt like puking. I couldn't stop thinking about how wars, violence and pain happen in real life. How real people have to deal with these kinds of things. Real people who aren't ever acting. 

Knowing that I had just paid $13 to sit and have my heart hardened to violence along with everyone else there made me really wonder what Jesus might say to me, in the moment. 

And if I believe what I say, that God is constantly with us, then Jesus was sitting next to me the whole time. He was sitting next to me the whole time! And man, I could just feel the disappointed look on his face! He sat there, telling me quietly over and over again "You know better, Amy."

That's what made me feel sick. 

Is there anything beneficial to be taken from watching mindless killing for 2 hours? Am I spreading any of Christ's love? Am I growing, or helping others to grow? Promoting peace and justice? Anything?

It may be just a movie. It may be just entertainment. It may not seem like a problem to you. But for me, as a follower of Christ, as someone who is trying to live differently than the society we are so wrapped up in, it's a problem. 

A problem, and an opportunity. 

1 John 4:7-12 

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.  In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

In what ways can we better love one another? In what ways can we be sure that God is abiding in us? His love being perfected in us?

If more conversations were had about these questions, as opposed to the conversations had about those great graphics, that funny scene, or how there was actually character development... wouldn't our world look more like the heaven that it is eventually going to become? 

It just seems to me that God has so much more for us, but we're walking around with the lights out. Saying that the dark is beautiful, but having no idea how much more beautiful the light is. 

 

What an opportunity. 

near light.

Okay, so this post is scarily similar to my last one. I'd apologize, but it's not really something I'm sorry for. 

The Civil Wars tweeted about this artist this morning, and now that I'm a twitter fanatic I was there to read all about it. (Really... I've tweeted FOUR whole tweets. Woohoo). 

Olafur Arnalds is this amazing composer from Iceland, and he released The Living Room EP last year. It's made up of 7 songs created and recorded one a day for a week... in his living room.

Super cool idea. And super duper cool music.

This one, Near Light

I can't get over.  

It's so real.

The piano is that steady anxious feeling that just won't go away until the end.

The strings make my heart hurt. If I could paint the sound, it'd be grey with tiny threads of gold. Swooping up and down.

And then when the synth comes in around 1:30. 

It makes me hope.

It makes me think that we might be near light.

If we just keep going.

Just a few more steps.

Keep running!  

Hope against the piano, and that cello. 

Hope against my worries and my hurt.

And actually see God at work among it all.

See his hands weaving the most beautiful fabric. 

It ends so softly - almost like it doesn't really end at all. 

Because hope doesn't end.

We keep hoping

and trusting in the truth

until we reach light. 

I've been reading a lot from the Gospel of John lately, it's been so nice! 

I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. John 16:12-13

Sometimes, Jesus doesn't tell us everything that he could. Because we might not be able to bear it.

 Or understand it. 

But the spirit of truth is with us now, isn't that exciting? And he is guiding us into all truth now! It's okay that we don't know everything about what life is going to look like, because we have a guide. We don't need to know the path off by heart, because someone else knows it already for us. 

I don't know about you, but for me that makes it seem so much easier to get past being near light. 

We're not just wandering aimlessly. 

We have someone running alongside us. 

Taking those last few hard steps right in stride with us.

To get to actually being in the light. 

It's always so amazing, isn't it, how music can talk?

atlantic.

Just listen.

Just sit and listen.

You might get a little bit teary, I sure do. 

It's something about the simplicity of the cello melody. The contrast of major and minor key sounds throughout. The way the piano holds you. The way you can hear a story without any lyrics. 

The way it builds. 

The way it seems sad, but ends positive.

The way it really does sound like the Atlantic. 

Whatever it is, it warms my soul.

 It might make me cry, but it's those nice kind of tears.

The kind you cry because you just can't believe how beautiful it all is.

Like new born babies, innocent & precious little acts of love, and tiny perfect flowers.

I can't get enough of it. 

sleepingatlast.com 

starting now.

My summer starts today! School is over(hooray hooray hooray)and the weather is beautiful this weekend!
I have a bad habit of letting time just slip through my fingers without realizing what is going on. Therefore setting goals is good for me. These might not really be classified as goals, more like a bucket-list maybe? Whichever: here is what I want to do this summer!

• Go camping for the weekend(actually in a tent, something that I've never done before).
• Go on lots of hikes(specifically Mt. Cheam!)
• Walk around the city at night, when it's still so warm from the sun on the pavement all day.
• Run around in the rain/play frisbee in the rain(without freezing to death). 
• sleep on the roof lots of nights.
• Sidewalk chalk party in-front of Save-On-Foods in the Junction. 
• Swim in Lake Errock lots and lots and lots.
• Have a bonfire at my house(I rarely have people over to my house because it's a long drive, but long drives in the summer are easier to handle for everyone!) 
• Go stargazing(or star-staring, so it doesn't sound so romantically cheesy).
• Take lots of pictures.
• Spend all afternoon on the beach(This will happen at RockRidge for sure, but at home is nice too).
• Go on a road trip(I don't think I'll have time for a nice long one, but a short one will suffice!)
• Watch the clouds. 
• Have picnics. 
• Finger paint outside with Celia(paint EVERYWHERE!)
• Read a totally pointless novel, for pure enjoyment of reading.
• Smell roses. Lots.
• Find a waterfall that I haven't seen before(Just a small one, there are lots around here I'm sure).
• Plant flower baskets.
• Play music with friends for hours and hours(Writing music too!)
• Ride bikes down to the lake in the evening.
• Make jam. 
• Plant a new flower bed(or revamp an old one).
• See Lily and Celia once a week(This is only starting this summer, but needs to continue for always). 
• Work on new creative projects                                - MCC furniture made amazing                                 - Pillows like these ones                                      - Start writing again
• Learn a new skill(drawing! For me, this will require taking a class of some kind... As I'm currently hopeless). 
• Pick lots of strawberries.
• Eat tomatoes, carrots, peas, and everything else right out of the garden. 
• Go canoeing when the lake is still and listen to the silence.
• Blow bubbles in the park. 

That's 30 things to do this summer! Some of them matter a lot, some of them not as much. But, they all make me stop and enjoy just how beautiful and precious life is! 

What are you going to do this summer? I'd love to hear!

above anything else.

I don't have a lot to worry about. 

I worry a lot. 

Something seems off there doesn't it?

I'm not sure why I drag myself into the worries I do. Most of them are pretty rational, but if I really think about it... is there ever a need to worry about anything?  

If you know the same God that I do, there isn't.

I think this is one of the biggest things that I still need to learn about my God. He takes care of things. Everything. 

And all I need to do is follow. 

All I need to do is follow! 

It sounds easy, but I've been discovering lately that things that sound easy are quite often not. Talking about them is easy, however actually putting those words into action is a completely different story. 

It all fits together: I've been worrying about not following my words, and by worrying, I haven't been following. It just keeps going around in circles!  

For some reason today was the breaking point - I just wanted to cry. It probably had something to do with exams and lack of studying. Good one, Ames.

Instead of crying, I read John. All 21 chapters. 

Was taking that 45 minutes a good idea, with the stressful exam looming?

Yes. 


Honestly, I feel so much better. And, to top it off... I thought I wouldn't get anywhere with studying. Turns out it's way easier than it seemed. Hello miracle. 

I don't know about you, but I consistently forget how easy reading the Bible is. It feels like such a chore to me until I start reading... then I can't put it down! 

God is good, all of the time. I can't get over that. 

Even when I don't know what he's doing in my heart, I know he has the best plans. 

I love how I can trust that above anything else. 


It's hard to follow a lot of the time. It's the long, hard, narrow road, it's going to be difficult! 
But, it's so rewarding. I'm figuring that out slowly =) 

Read a book of the Bible. Right now. Forget about watching that movie, it's a waste of time compared to this. I promise! 

Oh, baby.

This darling girl was born yesterday at 11:34am. She's so beautifully perfect. Her nose is incredible. Her fingers make me want to cry. And her eyes take my breath away. 


Sweet baby girl, you're loved so much by your whole family! 


You're going to grow up into a teenager and an adult with all these same crazy problems that all the other girls have. You'll worry about being pretty, you'll worry about boys and friends and all of those unimportant things. But they'll be important to you, in the moment. 


But you're loved. So loved. 


I don't have to say 'don't forget that' because I know you won't. 
It'll be impossible with all these people around you, loving you so much. 


Your sweet big sister was so happy to meet you! Whenever you're mad at her, when you're both all grown up, just remember that. She loves you so much! 


I can't wait to get to know you better, niecy-poo ;) 

Upside down.

I can't help myself. 

The more I look at this, the more it looks like exactly what I need to be doing with my life. 

It's making people happy.

And it's music.

That's what I've always wanted to do. 

That's what I've always been good at. 

Music Therapy

It's kind of a dream come true. 

And, I know that God gave me this idea.

It wasn't just another one of my crazy life ideas. 

It also doesn't mean I have to go to school for 6 years to get a fancy Masters Degree, or anything like that.

I can be a Music Therapist to the teens that I already know and love. 

I thought that I wasn't doing the right thing, sticking with CBC. 

Turns out I am. 

Turns out working with Young Life when I didn't really want to is also the right thing. 

I love this life. 

I love how things keep turning out

just right. 

Even when they're turned upside down. 

God, you're so good. 

It's kind of incomprehensible. 

Recovery

I'm sure we've all heard something about Kony 2012 at this point. And I'm also sure that every one of us has a somewhat different opinion on the video, the organization behind it, and what we should be doing in response. 


Here's my two cents.
This is pretty strong language, but I'm going to go right ahead and say it: I think Kony 2012 was sabotaged. 
That's sort of a weird word to use, because I don't believe that anyone doing the sabotaging was doing it on purpose per-se. It was done instead out of a lack of education and understanding. 


When I booked the screening of Kony 2012 for Young Life in December I have to admit that I didn't do much research about Invisible Children. And when all the controversy hit, that was kind of embarrassing. I was supporting this organization that I knew nothing about, and I was expected to stick up for them... but I wasn't sure that I wanted to anymore! 
Really, all of the information that the media and the people around me were throwing out made me want to do everything but support them. 


It's scary how easily my opinions were swayed.


Two weeks ago we had a guest speaker in my Community Youth Work class - David Collins. He's the great man who started Food for the Hungry in Canada, and now heads up Paradigm Ministries, an organization devoted to international justice. 


I could not believe his response to Kony 2012.


I had this idea that Invisible Children was probably not supported by all these other people who are actually doing something about international justice, was I ever wrong!


Collins explained to us clearly the "way things work" in Africa and regarding the LRA. I wish he could sit down with each of you and explain it again (it requires a lot of drawing crazy diagrams and illustrations on the white board). 
The gist of his explanation however, is that no matter what we do, we are looking at these issues with a North American perspective. Unless of course we've done field work in a third world country. A prime example of such a perspective is this: Visible Children. A blog written by a university student that has no overseas experience. 
Collins argues that everything is based upon an experience that we've had. We change with each experience that we experience! And, if we were to actually go to the countries affected by the LRA's violence we would have an experience that would change everything. This is the experience that the people behind Invisible Children have had! The experience that prompted them to create the films that they have.  


When I look at it this way, I see how this movement has been sabotaged. Sabotaged by lack of experience, and a wish to have all of our voices heard louder than any one else's. 


I hope that this can make you think a bit about where you stand with Invisible Children and Kony 2012. 
Watch the sequel video - it's pretty interesting!


And overall, don't just jump on the bandwagon because it might be kind of fun to plaster your city with posters in the middle of the night. Jump on the bandwagon because it's something that needs to change. It's a huge horrible sadness that just seems to keep getting bigger in our world. 
Do something about it!


Work on your attitudes and your values, your responses to issues like this one! 


It's important. Really important :) 

The Part That Counts

I love having things to write about, because I'm learning new things. 
It's so exciting to be actually living. Not just going about the motions, but actually thinking about the out-come or consequence of everything that I am doing throughout my days/weeks/months. Really focusing on that in the past week has made such a difference, I knew that it would, but actually seeing it is pretty cool.
Also, seeing the flip side adds some very interesting perspective! Today, I forgot about being constantly aware of God's presence (because I was busy... busy! Pfft) I didn't really notice until the day was practically over, and then I realized that I missed opportunities to be loving rather than hateful. It shouldn't be so difficult, but it is! Getting caught up in some sort of messy situation is the easiest thing for us to do, and sometimes letting God walk into that messy situation is the hardest thing to do. 
Can you imagine if that was turned around all of the time?! That's what I want my life to look like!


I wrote these lyrics last night, I don't think they really go with the music I wrote for them yet. So, I'm sure the words will change, and the notes will change. I thought I would share them despite that as they are about exactly what I've been talking about! 
It was one of those neat times when the words just came pouring out, and all I had to do was step out of the way and let God speak. No matter how many times that happens,I don't just get used to it, it's forever the most wonderful feeling!


We're locked out of our houses and into our minds
all we see is open doors, a thousand moving parts
we're like branches, only leaping in a wind storm


Do I live like your love is true?
Does your brilliance show through?
Is comprehension enough, to know you're in the room?
Does it fall heavy on my heart now, Lord? 


too many thousand moving parts 
of simply loving you
all we see is open doors
following you through them
the part that counts


I write my name in invisible ink
so they don't worry too much
they don't see you too much

keep track of these thousand moving parts

I lose myself

I lose myself 

I lose you

Do I live like your love is true?
Am I awake to the awe of you?


The part that counts. Actually doing something about something. Not just getting caught up in everything. Listening, and thinking before taking action. Communicating clearly in every aspect of your relationships. Honouring people by showing them honesty.
That's what I've been learning this week. 
What about you? 

Change

Title Change

and other things too.

My mind has been stirred up today, in a good way!

I'm writing an exegetical paper on Genesis 22 this week - The story where God calls Abraham to sacrifice his only son Isaac, and Abraham obeys, the entire time having faith that God will provide a "way out." And, of course, God does. 

The thing that I love about this story isn't the great example of obedience and faith, it's actually the part that comes at the very beginning of the story. 

"He said to him, 'Abraham!' 

'Here am I' he replied.  - Genesis 22:1

Here am I. He answers promptly. Ready to do anything. He is constantly waiting on God. He's constantly listening for the next command. 

He's never wandering around in the apathetic state that I am so often living in, that so many of us are living in. 

What would change if I could start listening to God the way Abraham listens to God?

I had a long talk today with a good friend about all kinds of important things, this same idea being one of them. Being aware of God in every single moment of your life. Let me say that again:

Being aware of God in every single moment of your life. 

He's with you right now, wherever you are. He was with me earlier today when I was so concerned with my outward appearance, when I complained about that person, when I felt that sick pride, when I wasn't brave enough to say something about that person's demeaning behaviour. He was there. 

I don't know about you, but having a greater awareness of God's presence makes me think twice about everything I do. What would change if I started to live more like God wants me to live?

That's a question I really want to find the answer to. It's going to be beautiful, whatever it looks like. 

For I, the Lord your God,
    hold your right hand;
it is I who say to you, “Fear not,
    I am the one who helps you.” - Isaiah 41:13

When I was so nervous this morning to say the things I know I needed to say, God was holding my hand. 

He Was There.

And I could feel it. And I wasn't afraid anymore. 

He's not just there at all the points that you're doing things that could be considered questionable, he's there when you're doing wonderful, beautiful, glorious, fun, scary, happy things. 

And he loves you. Not because he has to, but because he gets to. 

Arts Club Theatre

The Importance of Being Ernest

I think I just died. 

I love this play so much... you actually have no idea.

It's wonderful. 

It's also $45 for only "okay" seats. 

This is when I really need a boyfriend to take me on fun dates ;)

Just kidding...

But really! 

I want to go so badly!I love live theatre so much, and haven't been in oh so long!

It's playing 'til April 15th, so I do have some time to convince someone it's worth it. 

We'll just have to see!

Check it all out here:

http://www.artsclub.com/20112012/plays/the-importance-of-being-earnest.htm